Out of myself

I have been out of myself lately.elayna getting food poisoning,angry at me for not being at home when she is sick and being stressed up at work.not getting enough sleep, waking up every 2hrs,keeping tabs on everything.well yeah,it's that way lately.hopefully next week will be a better week.

What can I do?

Somethings can never be perfect that I know. And I have often wondered how I can make things better.

I have failed in certain areas but I know I have done better in some. I know I cannot please everyone but I know I have tried to do what I could. I am not superhuman and I admire those who can.

I know I can't make things better in one go but I know sometimes it deserves another chance.
I get overwhelmed at times.

I think it takes a helping hand and a kind word to get things done. I try and I try everytime but I know it may not be the best but I hope it can.

I know one thing I firmly believe, I cannot give up and I cannot say never.
I do not face defeat with my head down but I will face it with all that I can.

What means the most to me

What means the most to me:
1)At 3am when my baby calls 'Ma Ma' and picks up her pillow and asks me to cuddle her to sleep

2) When my baby smiles and asks me with her big eyes while lying down to 'pat pat' her to sleep.

3)When she is sick and she needs to be the most comfortable and if that happens to be me, I will keep her sleeping on me

4)When I tell her I love her and she nods her head in response

5)At 4am when she finally falls asleep in her bed after telling me she wants a cuddle and 'pat pat'.

6)When she wakes up in the morning and calls 'Ma Ma' and smiles....

Nite Nite

Headaches & 5am wake ups

Baby E will be turning 2 in Feb.how fast and it's 2yrs already. A simple plan to organise a party in school has turned into a major headache.*rubs forehead*

Just yesterday baby & daddy both decided to talk in their sleep.both conversed and mummy was right smacked between their conversation.
Daddy: drink water ok
E:ter ter. (for water)

E:decides to wake up at close to 5am
Mama!
Me: yes?(sleepy eyes barely opening)
E:bao bao
Me:it's sleeping time baby
E:bao bao *points to door*
Me:you want to go outside?
E:*nods head*
Me:ok
Carries her outside......

I am not very sure...

I am not very sure anymore on how things work.
Things that I am sure of I know I can get it to work
I fret on the normal daily things
I sense the lack of joy

I do not know what brings you joy
I do not know what makes you smile
I do not know what brings you happiness,
Not anymore

I can no longer do that
I can no longer make you smile
I can no longer do the things that make you happy anymore

What am I
Who am I
When am I

Feel the sadness
Feel the pain
Feel the hurt
It won't go away

I swallow and see the light
I mellow and realise
There is nothing
There is nothing I can do
To make you smile again