Raising Children in Singapore

Its been a while since I wrote anything and its rare that I can find myself awake at this time with a 2nd pregnancy. 

Now the government says that they would want to review the parenthood and marriage policies at this point to boost the declining birth rates in Singapore.

But having spoken with several parents some of the most common agreements are:
- Too expensive to raise a child in Singapore
- School systems do not allow you to not stress your child
- High cost of living
- Lack of work-life balance

1) Too expensive to raise a child in Singapore and School systems do not allow you to not stress your child
These 2 go hand in hand in the thought where if you want your child to do well then you have to send them to the best tuition schools, start them in the right childcare/preschool/early education, send them to the right enrichment programmes (or as many as possible). And all the above requires one to spend more money.

Parents have to ensure that the child gets good grades so that they can go get their degrees, earn more money when they working, have a good life. All these starts with good education.
From the moment they are born, parents work hard to provide good childcare, preschools, early education programmes or enrichment to ensure that they have the luxury or benefit to do or anything.

But I think the value is lost the why are they sent for all these.
A) Is it because the child cannot earn more money without a good education? (We all know Steve Jobs did  not have his degree - but he saw an opportunity and he perserved towards his goals)
B)The child has to do many tuitions to do well in education have good results to achieve the goal of earning more money or find a good career that earns them alot of money?
C)Is because they need to learn many things to be multi talented so that they can be versatile and be praised for being Jack of All Trades?
D)Is is because by knowing alot of things they can become more talented?

I think all the above has lost the true meaning for what experiences is all about. A child wishes to learn and as parents we support that learning and encourage that interest in learning. But if the child has lost interest and with a valid reason, I think we have to accept and move on.

Education is a must in today's context but honestly, with the right values taught wouldn't the child cultivate the right attitude towards learning at the end of the day? Where hard work would pay with the right smarts and opportunities would create the ability to do well.

I was having this discussion today about how luck can be part human and part divine intervention.
Part Divine Intervention - Where an opportunity if provided for you
Part Human - Where you evaluate if its an good opportunity and make the call to use it and also work hard on treasuring this opportunity given to you to make it a success. And how this good opportunity turns out is the result of one's own evaluation and determination to make it suceed, along with creating good plans and decisions to make it work.

So to determine luck or good fortune, I would say that it is 20% luck and 80% sheer human determination and perseverance.

I digress simply because I want to point out that nothing comes without any work or proper thought process and evaluation. Sometimes it takes abit longer but I think it boils down to what we what to make out of our lives.

Such as our children, where children have immeasurable amounts of potential but its finding the right source to unleash this potential. Identifying their individual characteristics and making a point to say that you are right and you should try.  

As I grow, I learn from opportunites given and I have a feeling that as I continue to grow (er hem.) wiser. I would be making better decisions and working on getting better at understanding each particular characteristics.After all each child is unique!

I know that I have not hit the core of the issue at hand but raising a child is not simply about money, but in Singapore, money is a real issue that even affects how we can raise a child well. No matter how we want to avoid the money issue, we cannot.  Realistically, we have to face this issue that we have to work harder or more to provide for our children.

But we also must look at how we can achieve that work-life balance but honestly in Singapore to achieve that, its really hard when our children attend tuition or enrichment while parents spend time working. Work-life balance applies to our children too, not just the adults. Undoubtly it is true that we wish to have more time to spend with our kids, we should also recognise how we want to spend the time we have with them. I think having regular chit chats, understanding how we can know our children better is one of them especially when they grow up so fast.  Time v.s Money v.s Value. But the equation can never be Time+Money=Value when we apply to our children.

Values, Limitations

Sometimes I get really tired of doing what I do. I try really hard every single day and I try to do everything the best that I can but sometimes its just that I have my limitations.

But then I ask myself this question, limits is what we set for ourselves but as long as we try and push ourselves abit to determine exactly what that "limitation" is then we know what is our true strength.

The only thing I cannot control are the limitations set by others. I do not see it as a barrier but I see is as another problem which I need to evaluate or to solve.

I need to remind myself that this life is what I am given and what I make out of it. My values and my value is to who I am and what I am worth to myself.

I cannot stop others from thinking what they think and what they say but I can tell myself what do I mean to myself and to those who value and need me.

I know one thing is for sure, there is a purpose for me and this is where I find myself and what I do as true to who I can be.

To a certain extent there are certain physical limitations and that I concede and not refute but I know that one thing is that I value myself and that is why I will always understand where those limitations stand. But I refuse to concede to areas where I know I have to try and try unless the limitations are beyond my control after evaluations and solutions.

Its all life.

How I feel today

Its been quite a while since I did put anything down. Today, something happened and my reaction of it was one of the strangest even to myself.

I just handled it so to put it simply. I think despite what kind of squemish feelings or unease some people might have thought, I think the most important aspect is the duty of care. All the kids that I care for, are just like my own. I think its important to have that mindset and say, I must learn to care for others before I can care for my own.

I must be able to to well myself before I can do well for others. But when is it good enough? When is enough for others to say I will do this too. I will be able to do this too. When everyone is different.

In reality, we all are different but how do we find the middle ground to say that HEY! lets get this going TOGETHER. Like how Baby E does it, lets put it together mummy :-)

Well, Baby E will be seeing Lion King for the 3rd time. First time on the top level, 2nd time from the dress circle, where she hi -five the 'Uncle who holds the bird' - her words not mine. This time from the stage level, will she touch the elephant or the rhino I don't know!

I am so so proud of Baby E and I hope she is proud of me too.

What I think so far - How has it been

What do I think so far? I have been a SAHM (with some PTWM aspects thrown in) for the past 1 week and the experience was humbling.
I was cleaning, washing, cooking(very little) and most of all taking care Baby E while at the same time potty training - imagine the amount of cleaning I have to do...sheesh.

But I think I have come to terms to how much tougher it is to be a SAHM and although I already knew how tough it was (which was why I never thought of being one in the first place and secondly I knew how tough it would be to balance as a FTWM but I still did) but this one week was humbling. I fufilled the basic conditions but I realised that I lacked in certain areas.

I guess having to do it full time at home was an eye opening experience that really taught me alot. I couldn't do anything else in the day to be honest, and while she was sleeping I had to do the housework that I couldn't do while she was awake. The only time I could work was when she was asleep for the day and like the time now is 2am, I am working on the finishing touches of what needs to be done.

But to be honest, I had my reservations on if i could do it, look after Baby E and yet be able to manage some of my own tasks. But i think I managed, abeit sacrificing some sleep in the process.
But this only goes to show the tenacity of a mother. A mother is one who is willing to go to lengths for their child and achieve beyond the norm.

Having said that, I do understand that the limits and faults of a person and although I know that I have done what needs to be done I do ask myself what else can be done. And as I do this exercise, I see the loopholes and my eyes are wide open to what else can be done. And I see alot.

The exercise that I do applies to all aspects and roles that I perform and fufill. I don't ever think of giving up as they define who I am and want to be for myself and to allow my child see that as long as you set your mind to it, anything is possible.

I don't want to be that person that gives up - bad example to set before my child.

Overcoming the obstacles, being true to who I am,that is who I want to be for her. And the type of person i want to become. I cannot be anything less. I must remember that.

Although in all honesty, I do sneak a break in sometimes as we all do. Its only about finding the balance in all.

=)

Taking her out from school

I have finally made the decision to take baby e out from play school.
It was not the fact that she was crying all the time when we brought her to school but like clockwork she would attend school from mon to thu and on fri she would always develop a fever.it always pains me to see her sick and having to take all the fever meds.
So the end result after 3months of starting school and only attending at best 1month out of the 3,her natural reaction is to reject school.
I have decided to take her out but at the same time I cannot neglect her growing need to explore and learn. One of the biggest things I need to do is to develop a learning schedule for her so that her growing needs and her natural stage of development is not behind those of her age group.
They call it homeschooling.I just hope I can do it well.