Sometimes I get really tired of doing what I do. I try really hard every single day and I try to do everything the best that I can but sometimes its just that I have my limitations.
But then I ask myself this question, limits is what we set for ourselves but as long as we try and push ourselves abit to determine exactly what that "limitation" is then we know what is our true strength.
The only thing I cannot control are the limitations set by others. I do not see it as a barrier but I see is as another problem which I need to evaluate or to solve.
I need to remind myself that this life is what I am given and what I make out of it. My values and my value is to who I am and what I am worth to myself.
I cannot stop others from thinking what they think and what they say but I can tell myself what do I mean to myself and to those who value and need me.
I know one thing is for sure, there is a purpose for me and this is where I find myself and what I do as true to who I can be.
To a certain extent there are certain physical limitations and that I concede and not refute but I know that one thing is that I value myself and that is why I will always understand where those limitations stand. But I refuse to concede to areas where I know I have to try and try unless the limitations are beyond my control after evaluations and solutions.
Its all life.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Monday, October 10, 2011
How I feel today
Its been quite a while since I did put anything down. Today, something happened and my reaction of it was one of the strangest even to myself.
I just handled it so to put it simply. I think despite what kind of squemish feelings or unease some people might have thought, I think the most important aspect is the duty of care. All the kids that I care for, are just like my own. I think its important to have that mindset and say, I must learn to care for others before I can care for my own.
I must be able to to well myself before I can do well for others. But when is it good enough? When is enough for others to say I will do this too. I will be able to do this too. When everyone is different.
In reality, we all are different but how do we find the middle ground to say that HEY! lets get this going TOGETHER. Like how Baby E does it, lets put it together mummy :-)
Well, Baby E will be seeing Lion King for the 3rd time. First time on the top level, 2nd time from the dress circle, where she hi -five the 'Uncle who holds the bird' - her words not mine. This time from the stage level, will she touch the elephant or the rhino I don't know!
I am so so proud of Baby E and I hope she is proud of me too.
I just handled it so to put it simply. I think despite what kind of squemish feelings or unease some people might have thought, I think the most important aspect is the duty of care. All the kids that I care for, are just like my own. I think its important to have that mindset and say, I must learn to care for others before I can care for my own.
I must be able to to well myself before I can do well for others. But when is it good enough? When is enough for others to say I will do this too. I will be able to do this too. When everyone is different.
In reality, we all are different but how do we find the middle ground to say that HEY! lets get this going TOGETHER. Like how Baby E does it, lets put it together mummy :-)
Well, Baby E will be seeing Lion King for the 3rd time. First time on the top level, 2nd time from the dress circle, where she hi -five the 'Uncle who holds the bird' - her words not mine. This time from the stage level, will she touch the elephant or the rhino I don't know!
I am so so proud of Baby E and I hope she is proud of me too.
Monday, May 9, 2011
What I think so far - How has it been
What do I think so far? I have been a SAHM (with some PTWM aspects thrown in) for the past 1 week and the experience was humbling.
I was cleaning, washing, cooking(very little) and most of all taking care Baby E while at the same time potty training - imagine the amount of cleaning I have to do...sheesh.
But I think I have come to terms to how much tougher it is to be a SAHM and although I already knew how tough it was (which was why I never thought of being one in the first place and secondly I knew how tough it would be to balance as a FTWM but I still did) but this one week was humbling. I fufilled the basic conditions but I realised that I lacked in certain areas.
I guess having to do it full time at home was an eye opening experience that really taught me alot. I couldn't do anything else in the day to be honest, and while she was sleeping I had to do the housework that I couldn't do while she was awake. The only time I could work was when she was asleep for the day and like the time now is 2am, I am working on the finishing touches of what needs to be done.
But to be honest, I had my reservations on if i could do it, look after Baby E and yet be able to manage some of my own tasks. But i think I managed, abeit sacrificing some sleep in the process.
But this only goes to show the tenacity of a mother. A mother is one who is willing to go to lengths for their child and achieve beyond the norm.
Having said that, I do understand that the limits and faults of a person and although I know that I have done what needs to be done I do ask myself what else can be done. And as I do this exercise, I see the loopholes and my eyes are wide open to what else can be done. And I see alot.
The exercise that I do applies to all aspects and roles that I perform and fufill. I don't ever think of giving up as they define who I am and want to be for myself and to allow my child see that as long as you set your mind to it, anything is possible.
I don't want to be that person that gives up - bad example to set before my child.
Overcoming the obstacles, being true to who I am,that is who I want to be for her. And the type of person i want to become. I cannot be anything less. I must remember that.
Although in all honesty, I do sneak a break in sometimes as we all do. Its only about finding the balance in all.
=)
I was cleaning, washing, cooking(very little) and most of all taking care Baby E while at the same time potty training - imagine the amount of cleaning I have to do...sheesh.
But I think I have come to terms to how much tougher it is to be a SAHM and although I already knew how tough it was (which was why I never thought of being one in the first place and secondly I knew how tough it would be to balance as a FTWM but I still did) but this one week was humbling. I fufilled the basic conditions but I realised that I lacked in certain areas.
I guess having to do it full time at home was an eye opening experience that really taught me alot. I couldn't do anything else in the day to be honest, and while she was sleeping I had to do the housework that I couldn't do while she was awake. The only time I could work was when she was asleep for the day and like the time now is 2am, I am working on the finishing touches of what needs to be done.
But to be honest, I had my reservations on if i could do it, look after Baby E and yet be able to manage some of my own tasks. But i think I managed, abeit sacrificing some sleep in the process.
But this only goes to show the tenacity of a mother. A mother is one who is willing to go to lengths for their child and achieve beyond the norm.
Having said that, I do understand that the limits and faults of a person and although I know that I have done what needs to be done I do ask myself what else can be done. And as I do this exercise, I see the loopholes and my eyes are wide open to what else can be done. And I see alot.
The exercise that I do applies to all aspects and roles that I perform and fufill. I don't ever think of giving up as they define who I am and want to be for myself and to allow my child see that as long as you set your mind to it, anything is possible.
I don't want to be that person that gives up - bad example to set before my child.
Overcoming the obstacles, being true to who I am,that is who I want to be for her. And the type of person i want to become. I cannot be anything less. I must remember that.
Although in all honesty, I do sneak a break in sometimes as we all do. Its only about finding the balance in all.
=)
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Taking her out from school
I have finally made the decision to take baby e out from play school.
It was not the fact that she was crying all the time when we brought her to school but like clockwork she would attend school from mon to thu and on fri she would always develop a fever.it always pains me to see her sick and having to take all the fever meds.
So the end result after 3months of starting school and only attending at best 1month out of the 3,her natural reaction is to reject school.
I have decided to take her out but at the same time I cannot neglect her growing need to explore and learn. One of the biggest things I need to do is to develop a learning schedule for her so that her growing needs and her natural stage of development is not behind those of her age group.
They call it homeschooling.I just hope I can do it well.
It was not the fact that she was crying all the time when we brought her to school but like clockwork she would attend school from mon to thu and on fri she would always develop a fever.it always pains me to see her sick and having to take all the fever meds.
So the end result after 3months of starting school and only attending at best 1month out of the 3,her natural reaction is to reject school.
I have decided to take her out but at the same time I cannot neglect her growing need to explore and learn. One of the biggest things I need to do is to develop a learning schedule for her so that her growing needs and her natural stage of development is not behind those of her age group.
They call it homeschooling.I just hope I can do it well.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Qing Ming Festival
Its Qing Ming Festival....so fast. Seems only like last year that I last went to pay my respects to my Dad.
Every year, it would be a thing my mum and I would do. But my mum has conveniently passed the baton to me and merely reminded me that I have to do it this year. Such convenience....
Well, makes me think about how Elayna has not been to see her ye ye before. And to be honest, memories of my dad are kinda fuzzy but I do know pretty much some parts of me are my dad too.
So basically as long as I live my life the best that I can be, I pretty much lived up to his expectations. =)
=)
Every year, it would be a thing my mum and I would do. But my mum has conveniently passed the baton to me and merely reminded me that I have to do it this year. Such convenience....
Well, makes me think about how Elayna has not been to see her ye ye before. And to be honest, memories of my dad are kinda fuzzy but I do know pretty much some parts of me are my dad too.
So basically as long as I live my life the best that I can be, I pretty much lived up to his expectations. =)
=)
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