Life as at today

I think I have quite abit of pent up anger from alot things happening to me lately. It involves people being blind, involves my own inability to wake up eariler and my other faults and expectations.

I think I am a pretty capable person, I am described as quite self discipline by my family members and I am also known as quite a picky or fussy person. Other things that people know about me also involve me being quite spoilt (what to do, only child what), demanding and extra cautious. I am not the type who would throw caution to the wind and would always do my best whenever I am tasked with something. But somehow, I have been letting go of myself lately. Like today, i sent and email with the same contents 2x to my colleague, I was so so "all around" the place at work that people who see me at work ask me, why isn't there anyone helping you? That is one question I cannot answer and I just smile and think positive.

I really should get my ass working harder than ever and the thought that keeps me going like this is my baby girl. I know that what I do now is ever more important not only to keep our family as a well maintained dual income family(only heaven knows we need more) but also to be who I am as a better example to my girl that, women are capable of better. No longer are we the stay at home types and we are able to do more than ever. Balancing home and work with ease, especially with extra hands at home. No man or in this case woman is an island. Good teamwork is essential for things to happen.

I firmly believe in living and working by example. But the worse part is, I do not wish to have too much time taken away from my baby girl especially when she is so so young. Her formative years are now where I will see her growing up and developing a personality of her own. And now is the time where, having a mommy influence is important. I just hope that I have enough time with her.

My life as at today is one of the most fufilling and important times for me. I hope to be able to spend time with her and H together as a family more often. Its really just a matter of managing it, but to be fair which I always try to be it often serves to put me at a disadvantage no matter which way I see it. H often says when can I start thinking for myself on what I want more often for a change. I really don't know, I think my personality does not allow for me to be selfish and uncaring. But I can be a real cynical person at times who has a B**** mode if trodden on will appear and please back off.

There all different kinds of people in this world, the hard part is understanding what works the best for everyone and trying to create a standard. But the problem is, not everyone can be the same, its up to you to find the balance for everyone. Everyone is different so try to understand that there may be different means to an end for any person or situation so deal with it.